


I won't go, I won't sleep, I can't breathe (until you're resting here with me)

by theartofbeinganerd



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, Because I Can't Just Go Full Angst, Because it's Post Season 5 Of Course, F/M, Pregnancy, Season six speculation, Time Jump, With Just the Tiniest Bit of Fluff, Yikes, but a hopeful ending, post 5x22
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-24
Updated: 2018-05-24
Packaged: 2019-05-13 05:27:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14742816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theartofbeinganerd/pseuds/theartofbeinganerd
Summary: Written for the prompt: "Could I prompt there is a time jump between seasons 5 and 6 and Jemma is pregnant when they find the other Fitz in space?"*Set approximately four months post 5x22





	I won't go, I won't sleep, I can't breathe (until you're resting here with me)

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from Here With Me by Dido, because I heard it the other day and these few lines gave me SO MANY post 5x22 Fitzsimmons feels
> 
> Also, it makes me very, very sad every time that I have to select "Major Character Death" as a warning.

Lying back on the bed in her bunk on the Zephyr, her eyes closed and her fingertips tracing absent patterns over her stomach, Jemma allowed a brief smile to flicker across her lips as she felt the little flutters within her that meant that her daughter was moving around beneath her hand.

“Hello, sweetheart,” she murmured, her fingers pausing so that she could press her hand fully against her swollen midsection. She’d only just started really popping, and she couldn’t quite stop her hand from naturally gravitating toward the growing bump, though she was still on the smaller side of her estimated five months along.

 _Five months_.

The smile slipped off of her lips at the reminder of the nearly four months that they’d spent searching for Fitz, and at the reminder of the fact that it’d been just about five months since their wedding. Though she did her best not to think about it much, she was quite sure that she must’ve gotten pregnant in the handful of days following the wedding, before Fitz’s psychic split and subsequent imprisonment, before everything really started going to hell.

And, though she knew that everything that they’d been doing those last few months was to bring Fitz back to her, she couldn’t help but think of the fact that she was pregnant with the daughter they’d been told about by Deke, and that the Fitz that had known about her hadn’t lived to see her be born.

But, as she felt tears beginning to burn warningly at the backs of her eyes, she once more reminded herself firmly that Fitz wasn’t gone, not really – if she didn’t, she was quite sure that she would fall apart. It was like she’d told Coulson; she had to lock it away, that sharp, aching grief and the memory of losing Fitz, because if she didn’t…it would consume her, and she wouldn’t be able to go on to find the Fitz that was out there waiting for her to wake him up.

To cheer herself up, Jemma thought then of herself as the Prince Charming to Fitz’s Snow White, and that he was waiting for her to find him and kiss him awake. It had another little smile curving her lips.

Of course, the thought also brought her, quite suddenly, back to the Academy.

She and Fitz had been off campus one day, shopping for some nice new clothes to wear for their upcoming graduation (at her insistence, of course – if she’d let him, he’d have worn one of his bizarrely patterned shirts beneath his gown) when he’d gotten hungry and demanded that they stop for lunch.

There’d been this little diner just down the street, and they’d stopped in there for a quick meal. There had been a television set on the wall above the counter, and instead of the usual news station or some sort of sporting event that she would’ve expected to find there, _Disney’s Snow White and the Seven Dwarves_ had been playing on it.

It had been ages since she’d seen _any_ Disney movie, and they’d both easily gotten caught up in it, staying and ordering cups of tea as they watched until the ending.

And, it had been that very afternoon, while taking the bus back to the Academy, that they’d been discussing (or bickering about, as per usual) the movie and happened to stumble upon the early idea for the DWARFs. It was, of course, the very reason that they were later named after the seven dwarves.

But, it wasn’t the origin of the DWARFs that Jemma was thinking about at that moment. Instead, she was remembering the way that they had both scoffed at and brushed off the idea of “True Love’s Kiss” as simple fantasy and inherently ridiculous.

Now, however, as Jemma was defying actual _death_ to get him back, she decided that she would no longer be so quick to dismiss such a thing (though she still believed that it was scientifically improbable, she was willing to admit that some of the things that she’d seen over the years had been as well up until they weren’t).

Beneath her hand, Jemma felt her daughter moving around once more, and even though she knew that the baby wasn’t aware of anything happening outside of her womb, she liked to think that she was just as worried about Fitz as she was. “Don’t worry, darling,” she assured her softly, “we’re going to find your daddy, I promise.”

A soft knock on the door then had her glancing up, just in time to see Daisy’s head poking into the room. “Hey,” she greeted, stepping further inside and shutting the door behind her, “how are you doing?”

Carefully pushing herself up into a sitting position so that Daisy could perch on the bed beside her, she answered, “I’m…alright.”

Daisy eyed her critically for a moment, then pointed out, “You look tired.”

Jemma leveled a dry look at her, and asked plainly, “Are you really surprised?”

With a sigh, Daisy briefly dropped her gaze to her lap, starting quietly, “Jemma –”

But, Jemma already knew what she was going to say, and refused to listen it one more time. The more time that passed in space that they hadn’t yet found Fitz, the more the others had been trying to convince her to call off the search. _Not forever_ , they would always say, _just until after you’ve had the baby_. They were worried about her going through the pregnancy without being seen by a doctor, and though she couldn’t blame them for being concerned about her health and the baby’s, she was always quick to remind them that _she_ was a doctor, and that she could monitor her own progress.

And, she steadfastly refused to go through this without him. It was as simple as that.

So, she interrupted before she could start, “No. No, I’ve already told each and every one of you that we are not going back until we’ve found him. We aren’t giving up on him.” Against her will, her voice cracked slightly on the words ‘giving up’; she’d given up on Fitz once before, and she absolutely _refused_ to do so again.

“We wouldn’t be giving up on him,” Daisy insisted, shaking her head and assuring her fiercely, “we would _never_ give up on him. But, we should just take you back, just to make sure that you and the baby are okay.” She paused, then added softly, “That’s what Fitz would want, Jemma, and you know that.”

Jemma almost told Daisy to stop speaking as though he was dead, but quickly held her tongue as emotion surged inside of her, briefly making it difficult to breathe. She bit back on it, though, swallowed it down, and took a breath to calm herself before telling her firmly, “Thank you, but I’m staying right here.” Then, she gentled her tone, and added, “I appreciate all of your concern, I truly do, but the only thing that is going to help me is to find Fitz.”

Daisy blew out a short breath, obviously a bit upset that she hadn’t been able to convince her, but then she nodded in understanding and agreed quietly, “Okay.” She was silent a moment, then advised, “You should at least try to get some more sleep, then.”

With a small smile and a nod, Jemma replied, “I’ll do my best.”

Briefly reaching out to give her hand a short squeeze, Daisy wordlessly stood and left the room, slipping the door shut behind her.

Once she was alone again, Jemma laid back down, carefully shifting onto her side and curling into her pillow in an attempt to find sleep, well aware of the exhaustion settled deep within her bones. However, it continued to elude her, as it had for the greater part of the last few months.

She couldn’t help it; it just felt so _wrong_ to be lying in bed without him, without his arms wrapped around her and his lips pressed to her shoulder as he murmured ‘goodnight’ against her skin.

It just felt wrong to be lying in bed, sleeping, when there was a version of him lying in a coffin.

Abruptly, a wave of overwhelming emotion washed over her once more, but she wasn’t able to gain control over it this time. So, she buried her face in her pillow as sobs burst from her lips and tears began to soak the material of it, and as her body shook with her cries, she could feel their baby moving inside of her.

-

Sometime later, Jemma woke with tired, aching eyes and a throat torn raw from crying, blinking blearily and trying to figure out what it was that had pulled her from the depths of sleep. As another knock rang through the little room, though, she understood, and managed to croak out, “Come in.”

This time, it was Elena that appeared from behind the door, and she was smiling breathlessly, as though she couldn’t quite believe something. It had Jemma’s heart leaping with hope as she struggled to sit up, holding her breath as she waited.

“We’ve found them,” Elena said simply, and Jemma finally felt as though she could begin to breathe again.

Things became a bit of a blur from there, and the next thing that Jemma was truly aware of, Enoch was greeting them as he stepped onto the Zephyr with them, “Congratulations on stopping the upcoming apocalyptic event.”

“Wasn’t easy,” Mack replied, shaking Enoch’s hand with a small grin, slapping his shoulder with his free hand, causing Enoch to startle slightly, arching his eyebrows.

Though she didn’t want to be rude, Jemma just _had_ to cut into the conversation to ask a bit desperately, needing to hear the words, needing to _see_ him, “Is Fitz with you?”

Enoch nodded once, assuring her, “Yes, he is. He is still in cryo sleep, aboard the ship. Would you like me to awaken him?”

Relief washing over her, briefly stealing her breath and causing her heart to skip a beat, Jemma hesitated, then asked, “Actually…would you mind if I – I was the one to do it?”

And, after Enoch had talked her through how to work the chamber, she climbed onto his docked ship, taking slow steps as she approached the relatively small pod that he had given her directions to. Once she was standing over it, she could easily see Fitz’s face through the frosted little window, and she had to clasp a hand over her mouth to muffle a sob, her eyes slipping closed briefly.

Between blinks in an attempt to hold back the tears, she remembered his body, blood-streaked and so, so _pale_ , his beautiful heart no longer beating beneath her fingertips.

But, then Jemma took a shaking breath, carefully getting to her knees beside the chamber. With trembling fingers, she did exactly as Enoch had told her to do, watching as the clock on the front switched to a row of zeroes, and the frost began to recede.

And then, Fitz’s eyes popped open.

Her breath caught painfully in her chest at the sight, and she hastily reached out to unlatch the door and pushed it open. Inside, Fitz blinked a couple of times, clearly trying to reorient himself.

“Wha…” he mumbled, glancing around in confusion. Then, he turned his head slightly, and his eyes landed on her face.

Jemma knew that she had to be a right mess, bags beneath her red-rimmed eyes and tears rolling down her cheeks, but the way that he was gazing at her, it was as though she was utter perfection, as though she was absolutely the most incredible sight that he had ever laid eyes upon.

She imagined that she must be gazing back at him in much the same way.

“ _Jemma_ ,” he whispered, his voice hoarse.

“Hi,” she murmured, her own voice cracking a bit on the single word. She reached out, hesitating only for a moment, to curve her palm along his cheek, almost afraid that he wasn’t real, that she was just dreaming again and he was going to fade away the moment that her skin came into contact with his.

But, he was solid and very, very _real_ beneath her touch, and new wave of hot tears seared their way over the rims of her eyes to pour down her cheeks.

Though his hand was shaking, Fitz lifted it to cover hers on his face, and it had a wobbly smile appearing on her lips.

“I don’t understand,” he admitted lowly, “I…I was on my way to…save you. You were in the future… Robin said…”

“I know,” Jemma told him, giving a series of quick little nods, “I know, I know.” Stroking her thumb over the prickly stubble on his jaw, she promised, “I’ll explain, but…not now. You…you need some time. You’ve been in cryo sleep for almost six months, and it’ll take some time to adjust to being out.”

He nodded wordlessly, trusting her effortlessly, as always, then slowly moved to sit up.

She rushed to help him, placing a steadying hand on his back, and cautioned, “Be careful, Fitz,” as she helped him to cautiously rise to his feet. He stepped out of the chamber with her help, and as soon as he was standing before her, she couldn’t help herself.

Jemma wound her arms around his waist and embraced him tightly, pressing her ear to his chest so that she could hear his heart beating a steady rhythm. At the beautiful sound of it, her eyes slid shut with complete relief, the memory of his still chest beneath her cheek still all too fresh.

At first, Fitz returned the embrace just as fiercely, but far too soon in her opinion, she began to feel his arms going slack around her. Just as she heard his heartbeat picking up slightly, he gently pushed her away with his hands on her shoulders.

“Fitz? What is it?” she questioned in concern as she leaned back, peering up at him.

Instead of meeting her searching gaze, though, he was staring with wide eyes and raised eyebrows down at her bulging stomach, which had been cradled between them up until a few moments ago.

Jemma flushed, having forgotten briefly about the baby in the wake of being reunited with Fitz, and hastened to explain, “Fitz –”

But, he cut in, whispering sharply, “ _Holy shit_.” Then, he glanced up at her, shock and a burgeoning joy warring on his face as he asked in obvious awe, “You’re…you’re…?”

Biting her lip, Jemma nodded, murmuring, “Yes.”

Fitz breathed out a long, slow breath, the corners of his lips twitching upward with the beginnings of a smile. Then, however, his eyes began to darken slightly as the smile disappeared, and he said suddenly, “Wait. You said it’s been six months, and – _oh_. Oh _no_. Jemma, please… You were pregnant during the…the _Framework_?” He looked utterly horrified, sickened with himself, and she knew that he had to be reliving the moment that his Framework counterpart held a gun to her head.

Jemma hesitated, the truth on her lips, but it was too much too soon; he wasn’t ready yet ( _she_ wasn’t ready yet), so she told him simply, “None of that matters right now, alright? What matters is that…that this is our baby – this is _our baby_ , and I love you, Fitz. Nothing else is important right now.”

He clearly wasn’t ready to just write it all off, but when she took his hand in hers and pressed it to the curve of her stomach, she noticed his features softening. “Yeah,” he whispered finally, “Yeah, okay.” Then, he tugged her back into the circle of his arms, pressing his lips to her temple, and she felt them moving against her skin as he told her, “I love you too, Jemma.”

With the press of his lips against her skin, with the first kiss she had received from him in _months_ , Jemma suddenly realized that she’d gotten it all wrong; he wasn’t Snow White, waiting for her to bring him back with True Love’s Kiss.

In fact, it had been _her_ that had truly been frozen this whole time, had been living without actually _living_ , her life at a complete standstill without him in it. But, with his kiss, she came alive once more, and felt that she could actually begin to _heal_ finally, to move forward with him by her side.

Still, none of this was easy, of course; nothing that had happened since they’d returned to the present had been easy. She was still caught somewhere between utter heartache and elation, which she would have to share with Fitz at some point soon, but she and Fitz were _together_ once more. She had him in her arms, with his heart beating where it was pressed against hers, and she truly would _never_ let him leave her side again.

And, it wasn’t just enough for now; no, after everything that she’d been through these past few months (or, truthfully, these past few _years_ ), it was _everything_ , and the rest was inconsequential in the face of that.

No, it wasn’t ‘happily ever after’ – but it was the first step _toward_ it. 

**Author's Note:**

> You can also find me on tumblr - I'm theartofbeinganerd over there as well!


End file.
